And I wrote a rap so it was actually a productive afternoon minus not paying our bills.
You were face down, at your computer, surrounded by beer bottles listening a bagpipes version of amazing grace.
Laughlin, where retired strippers come to die.
Either your mom needs to stop making spagetti or we need to lay off the anal. I cant tell you how much im in pain.
Spagetti cuz im not giving up the other one.
Dude it was weird. The strippers vagina tasted kind of like your mother's.
The only downside so far to having a guy roommate is that when he's doing a walmart run, I just can't bring myself to ask him to pick up a pregnancy test for me. I feel like that's just too much too soon.
A cute girl just told me she forgot to take her birth control and winked... I've never been so conflicted about fleeing in terror
I am a woman. I need to be selective about the porn I stream on my phone. Who knows if my cell will ever get lost, who will see it and what they'd think otherwise. Keepin' it classy tampa.
Got a 72 hour restraining order. Can we meet monday? Let me know!
You guys wanna start around 10:30 tomorrow?
We can start at 5am for all I care. You ask like I have plans.
I just plagiarized Dr. Curtis Connor's ideology from Spider-man in an essay on genetically engineered embryos. College: academic integrity at its finest.
Noted. Next time you want to get fried chicken and cocaine.
Ok. That just sounds baller.
Officially the best daughter ever. I just restocked my parents alcohol that I stole last night AND ADDED TO IT
I did something very bad. More specifically, my boss.
Why are you naked at 4pm?
Its my birthday, I dont have to wear clothes
Randomize
