I woke up at 2 in my clothes with a defrosted steak in my pocket, no drinky this week at all.
worse. her friends hid in the bathroom while she gave me head and then screamed surprise right as i was about to cum
You were rubbing your foot on one of your legs and kept saying, "My sock feels like a waterslide!"
Just considered the plausability of using my detachable showerhead as a beer bong. Has my life really devolved to this?
I JUST WANT TO WATCH PORN BUT THE CAT IS JUST SITTING HERE LICKING HIS BALLS. I CAN'T DO IT.
He kept checkin to make sure you were still alive after you passed out on his bed, After like the 4th time he walked back in there you were naked on his bed eating an apple, claiming he needed to be the Adam to your Eve..That drunk..
I'm going for high school drunk, you've got 15 minutes to get here.
i told myself when i was 16 i would never fuck an Alan. now i've fucked 3 and i'm punching my 16-year-old self in the face
I'm not sure. But a mason jar of drug free urine just as soon as anyone can would be so awesome.
I think you should just bang him and get it out of your system.
That's what you say about everyone.
I think I need to see a chiropractor after giving that blow job
I'm asking you this because you're my dad....is coke a drug I should try?
I made out with my moms boyfriends son last night. Thanksgiving is gonna be reeeal fun!
You made me take you back to Mcdonalds so you could yell at the guy for not giving you enough ketchup packets
I vaguely recall french fries...
You then proceeded to call your mom and tell her you weren't coming home because you were "tripping balls"
Sweet...
It's been a week I should not still be finding glitter in my pants.
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