i would one night stand the shit outta him
I wish i could 80s montage me losing weight
Hey bring in backup. its going to take a lot more beer than we think to fill up the water bed...
Oh, and that ugly chick transformed into a veritable goddess when she came back at 3AM with a handle of vodka and 100 chicken wings
I have no idea what's going on.... I just want to wear my horse sweatshirt and drink vodka.
Times like this, when you talk openly about Tinkerbell being your spirit animal, are times when I'm allowed to question your sexuality.
seriously. next time...underwear. I'm not spending any other holiday season wondering if it'll be my last babyless one.
An open call to all exes! i have a drunk text policy that requires i delete any and all texts after drink 3, however i have reason to believe i have done something stupid. if i have texted you that "I love you", "miss you" and/or conveyed any interest in getting back together with you in the last 24 hours i was belligerent and lying. That is all.
She was purple for Halloween. She literally spray-painted herself purple and called it a costume. It won't come off.
Please write a memoir and name it "Game Boy and Dick Stuff"
actually there are like 49038098 people in the bathroom for no reason. Singing My Heart Will Go On and pseudo fighting.
Seriously insulted!! You can not share my dick pick with your gay brother. He won't quit poking me on fb
I may have interrupted sex but im bringing them both to McDonalds. Am I not the greatest older sister ever?
He doesn't wear a seatbelt. He votes Republican. He has a small dick. That house of cards just fell apart.
I was high as fuck laying down in the back seat while she gave him head. Most awkward chill moment of my life.
Randomize
