i have the same doorman on the day shift as the guyi shacked with has on the night shift. he just laughed at me when i came home this AM. FML
forecast for tonight- shitshow with a chance of tbell
my version of bright and sunny.
dear roomies, would anyone wanna donate the booze they left in the fridge over break to the "your roomies snowed in and all alone" fund?
sitting in class between the roommates of the two girls i fucked over break. this feels like a bad version of wife swap
Just lit a joint with steel wool and a 9 volt battery... thank you 3rd grade science class
I fucked him in a hamburger. literally. he has a hamburger bed.
also. he gave me a foot massage during 69ing when i got a cramp. he's a winner.
I was more concerned about the amount of mcdonalds fries on the floor around me than i was with my lack of clothes.
U handed him a box of flavored condoms, winked, and slurred, "grape juice is her favorite."
I love flavors. My neighbour is owide smoking and so am I. I'm adio boooooored and I need an adult.
So were u tired or drunk when u wrote last night's text message?
pills.
Overdraft my account again. Parents are starting to ask questions. What would go over better a gambling or drug addiction??
The best of us have puked in our office garbage cans. I just hope yours wasn't the metal mesh kind...and bagless like mine. Rock n roll office manager.
This chick just walked by and pet my beard. Don't know, never talked to her. She just walked by and pet my beard.
Marry her
Got out of the uber to projectile vomit in the McDonald's drive thru. Gonna take a break from the Cuervo for a while.
Ok. Yes. He has a tiny penis. But he also has a trust fund.
Randomize
