Change your flight to Denver. That's where my penis is.
we were so high last night we were cutting bread with my iphone
Disregard any previous text from the past 12 hours. Except for the one about scoring a strike while drunk bowling. Remember that one.
Maybe someone other than the mad hatter should have gone with him to the ER
i'm already feeling the tequila hangover i'm going to have on friday
The polaroid of me taking a test-tube of Jegar out of the gay guys mouth pretty much explains my trip to Spain.
Hows that studying goin for you?
I'm in my bathtub in a robe and jeans smoking a bowl and my hair is covered in olive oil
Either I'm tripping balls or my dog has super powers.
yes i am an adult who snuck out of my parents house to cuddle with a guy and then came home and listened to taylor swift. judge me all you want.
I will refer to it as the penis of glory... he fucked me for 3 and a half hours - and all he needed was a 5 minute power nap in the middle (which he took WHILE INSIDE ME). I plan on staying with him forever
in other news, i feel like i just shat out all my sins.
I'll have sex with you for tacos. I don't care, man.
my hair smells like a mixture of fireworks and rotten eggs with a hint of shame. it's so strong it's keeping me awake.
I swear to God...this day is one great big who's who in the land of fucked uppedness.
he went down on me and a few minutes later he asked to show me a magic trick. then he pulled a quarter out of my vagina
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