what time did you get home last night?
SO late...when your in the lap of a 35 year old superstar you loose track of time
He said to me " i could be your father but i dont care"...it was so hott
do you guys have 30-35 shot glasses? because if not, i don't even see a point in me coming
I passed out in the stadium during the 4th quarter and you guys just left me there?
Yea, but we put money for a cab in your pocket.
I seem to remember you being very disappointed that drinking Michelob Ultra didn't give you magic powers.
His "hunger Strike for change" lasted 4 days. Hi welcome to my coke binge last weekend....not impressed
i think we should start charging the bum that sleeps on our porch rent..
What if I told you that I had 160 ounces of cheap malt liquor in my backpack? Espn films 40 for 40s presents: Edward 40 hands. Our room. 11PM/10 central
I'm not gay but if a lesbian wants to eat my box out I'm not gonna say no to someone who knows what they're doing.
There is an alarming amount of food in my bra.
It was marvelous. I was drunkenly conversing with my professor in some of the best Spanish I've ever spoken.
If you could come do me into like a 12 hour coma that'd be great
he was snoring so I have him a bj to wake him up and then told him he had to leave.
I'm going to need you to stop harassing my professor on Twitter when you're drunk.
Remember when we thought adulthood would be different than college?
It is different. We had hopes and dreams back then. Now we're just alcoholics.
Just woke up to the cat unconscious on my stomach, his face between my tits, purring to bring down the walls. I'm endeared and horrified at the same time.
Randomize
