idk, it's all black and i hear low talking...
dude, i think you're in initiation!
shit. that's not good.
Just bummed a recreational vicodin off my friend's 40 year old boyfriend & am hoovering a breakfast sammy from costco. And I don't have a boyfriend because why?
So right when I was pulling her underwear off with my teeth, she told me, "Stick your penis in my 'nanners." Needless to say, there was no penis-'nanner interaction.
what did gay clubs do before lady gaga
The bender is in full force. After 2 bloody mary's at breakfast we are now drinking vodka redbull "as a precaution" so we will stay awake for the club tonight.
I just found out my favorite drunk show, Repo Men, is just reenactments. I can't express through words my disappointment.
Changing from sweatpants to jeans at 3 in the afternoon makes the day seem so much more productive than it actually was.
he kept yelling THIS ISNT AMATEUR HOUR
as much as i want to say no i cant cause i need the trophy wife training
You were trying to swim on the floor while eating a hot-dog bun and laughing about how much you hate bread and didn't understand why you were eating it..
they need to invent a card that reads "thanks for all those boners you gave me that you did NOTHING about"
Happy Birhtday!
Dad, it's 3am and it's not my birthday... wherever you are, go home
Why are we so great
Like I'm def going to a therapist but I wouldn't change a thing about us except maybe the peeing
I mean...he danced with his dick still inside of me. What more could a girl ask for?
I wanna trust fall face first on a penis.
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