I totally ignored my nose and drank sour milk this morning. The tupid carton said 4/22/09. i puked everywhere..
i woke up in his bed, he had my shirt on
and high school musical 3 was playing on his lap top
i wanted a birthday blowjob. not a birthday VD.
winter break is going to suck... i have to put away my college personality and transform into who my parents think i am.
Does slim fast make a chocolate heart for valentines? If so that's what she's getting.
I puked in the pool and didn't tell them, then they all went swimming. Is it dick to just sit back and enjoy the show?
i just sat down and hooked up with this girl. after she left i called over another girl and did the same. this happened about four more times and i never left my chair
Aw lol. Sounds like my masturbation injury last year
It was disgusting, and I would've rather licked the condensation off the windows instead, but I figured that's wasn't very ladylike
I got drunken sympathy for the whales' plight last night and signed up to give $50 monthly to Greenpeace. Calling to cancel was worse than the hangover.
Hear that? That's the wail of a dying whale. Murderer.
Also, I saved your name as Everclear last night. No idea why I did that.
I thought it was improvement but then i realized sex isn't an emotion and I hate everyone
someone snapchatted me a porn of two guys dressed up as pterodactyls double teaming a girl
There's a bull to ride and dancing on the bar is encouraged. This is my heaven. And this is why god made leopard tube tops.
So chicken strips and confidence do not you make you sober.
Randomize
