Doug is wearing your sports bra fyi
I fear hooking up with people who have white pillowcases because my guyliner always smears on it and i either have to A. sneak out in the night or B. wash it and see them again
So I used to make fun of texas a lot, then I got here and I found a place where I could get my tequila in a to go cup with a straw and I realized that this is the only place I ever want to be
a lady just got escorted out of the bar because she came in carrying a can of gasoline while smoking a cigarette....this place is the definition of class
Heyyyy darlin are you busy?
Why hello drunk Jake. It's sober Sarah, I'll tell drunk Sarah you booty called. She'll probably be around tomorrow night.
Not many best friends can say they've all made out with a homeless guy
She's cheated on every boyfriend she's ever had with the same guy. She's like a slutty yo-yo.
My hanfda are one with the u niverse and I am cirretnly inhaling a couch
I woke up to a hotel manager knocking on my car ( window was down) and asking if I was ok
is it mean that i live tweeted about whether or not my roommate and her bf were having sex or were wrestling?
The point remains that this is the setup for some great stories
Or terrible, horrifying, traumatic experiences
great clearly means different things to us
You might have been able to redeem yourself had you not referred to grandma as "this bitch".
That explains the hand print on my face. That old lady knows how to throw a punch.
I smell like lime and condoms and I really want a waffle. Fuk
He smoked and I was tired so left before we did anything. I literally left him high and dry.
We decorated the tree, drank wine, and he went down on me with Christmas music on in the background. Christmas IS coming.
Randomize
