Spring semester is just not the same w/o you
Job is the problem. Drinking, the solution.
You know if a vagina was a face, it'd be ugly as hell...
You need to come back and get me. This is not a jersey shore party and he is not dressed as Pauly D and I am about one shot away from hooking up with a real fist pumping Guido.
complete strangers are now referring to me as 'the bourbon guy.' i can live with this.
On the brightside though, I found the motivation to clean my shower, it was right underneath my need to masturbate in said shower.
Everything is fine now . The coast guard said we just can't take the inflatable trampling out past the break way anymore
I need to cry about outer space to someone. Can I call you?
My goal for tonight is to swipe my debit card through those weird rolls on the back of a big bald guy's head.
My mom just walked in and she was like "Who ate all of the cheese?" and all I could think of was you trying to become a human taco
Happy 420. I woke up to a girl smoking weed and dragging me out of bed. Chemistry makes so much sense high.
I never thought my Saturday night would end up with someone crawling around my carpet for 3 hours trying to pick up spilled coke...
I never thought my Saturday night would end up with ME crawling around your carpet for 3 hours trying to save my investment.
Can i have the words "she went crazy and never came back" written on my grave?
Stop calling me, Mom. I'm in his closet. You're gonna blow my cover and I'm about to catch this lying SOB.
That is our entire relationship. We match bowls and give each other head. What more could you possibly want?
Randomize
