Rescue me. My white trash great uncle just pulled out his belly at the restaurant to show us how big this woman's tit was
yeah i was sneaking up to her room and on the way i saw a picture of her and left
You were face down, at your computer, surrounded by beer bottles listening a bagpipes version of amazing grace.
just put a funnel in my mouth and pour the tequila in with a little emergen-c
they're making a venn diagram comparing gummi bears against gummi worms...is this what i have to sit thru to get free weed????
christmas break will be like the 25 days of orgasms
Rather than admit to myself he's hooking up with her right now, I choose to believe that he's not responding because he's masturbating to my picture, distraught over his poor choice, and trying to forget about the one that got away with a heavy dose of meth.
you never texted me what you wanted from the store so I got a piece of chicken and bottle of tequila. if you want anything else you are on your own.
He broke up with me over the phone while I was getting my bush waxed into a "D" for his surprise birthday present. Talk about bad timing...
I just got a call from the front desk apparently one of my feiends was dropped off by a handicap bus passed out in a wheel chair unlv is goig down
i got to hold a baby today and i loved it and i want a baby but actually i'm going to make an appointment to get birth control now.
Once I hang curtains in my truck bed that'll be feasible
Apparently "I licked it so now it's mine" doesn't apply to people
Whoever decided to put a Denny's that close to the strip club is a genius.
I'm like a sensual ninja. You turn your head for a second and.... BOOM I'm naked. It's like a naughty magic trick.
Randomize
