I think taking a nice shit is a lot more satisfying than an orgasm. This is probably why I'm single.
Tell Heather sorry for burning her hair. Also for anything else that I may have done that warrants and apology. Anything after about 10pm is kind of hazy.
On your way out, lock the front door. And by lock the front door, I mean find the door handle, reattach it, and then lock it.
porn star boner night. come get it.
I walked in and you were laying on the floor bleeding everywhere half asleep half crying and moe was at the kitchen table eating frozen pizza refusing to acknowledge you. What a sight.
uh, 3 redbulls and 400mg of caffeine pills and i still feel like life is in slowmotion..lets not take tranquilizers again.
IF HE CAN'T EVEN MAKE EYE CONTACT IN CLASS, I DOUBT THERE WILL BE OTHER FORMS OF CONTACT ON OUR FIRST NOT-A-DATE DATE
I woke up this morning in the house, I didn't realize it was physically possible to duct tape a person to the wall...
You don't understand. This could be the last time I shave a star into my vag. Get over here.
He just walked from his house to mine. Walked in and asked for a hug and then left.. And he's sober.
Oh no. Not her. Her personality clashes with mine in ways that would make me wanna beat myself with a stick.
Well, maybe we can talk about it over a drink and some crushed up vicodin.
Do you think my laundromat will notice that the bloodstain on my sheets is in the shape of a face?
Having to do the walk of shame on crutches was defiently a first for me. cheers to the governor, klove
Trouble in the neighborhood - turns out my brother's summer lawn care gig also entailed banging three different MILFs and they just all found out about each other
Gotta pay for college somehow...
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