Last night while we were having sex, 'God bless the USA' started playing on his itunes. He came almost immediately... so awkward.
Bts the comment you were making during that picture was "look we have penises"
sometimes when i'm walking through campus i wonder how many of these people have seen me puke
We Started drinking at 8am and left the bar around 11pm....I hate ALL green things
It's true- you can buy beer at McDonald's in France. I'm not coming back to the States.
idk. I was on the deck with Dominic and i felt something weird on my arm. I looked down and you were licking my elbow.
it's taken me 3 hours to eat this pudding cup. I think I am melting.
You had a hat of bras. Probably a good dozen, which is totally impressive for a Thirsty Thursday
No seriously you guys are gonna get arrested
Do me a favor I want you to reach down the front of your pants and underwear and just feel around for a while... if you happen to find your balls then join us
Of all of my friend's husbands, I like when yours hits on me best
Awe that means so much to us
You threw away your W2 to make more room in your purse for liquor.
You walked into the frat house and screamed "whose down to fuck" i think they were more intimidated than anything
Peru was great. He sent me a text after thanking me for my amazing morals which confused me but made me oddly proud...then he texted a correction. He meant my amazing oral. Sadly this Made me prouder. Fuck u bitches and ur morally inhibiting gag reflexes.
I’m inviting a few of my favorite manwhores to a pool party. Bring booze and wear your banana hammock so Amy can see what I’m always talking about
Did u find my other sock in your bra? U said u were uneven so I did the gentlemanly thing.
Randomize
