I made out with a fat chick last night in a hot tub... btw I am breaking up with you
Is it possible to be promiscuous but in a classy way?
Cuntadactyl. (n). A pre-historic dinosaur of Mandy-like features that is primarily identified by it's inability to play well with others and overall C-word demeanor. Physically, an unfortunate appearance.
he asked me to marry him on one of those scrolling message belt buckels.... what now?
ok, his religious views on facebook are madonna lyrics. we no longer have to wonder about his sexuality.
i was just offered a 40 day sex challenge. prepare for the best 40 days of your life.
oh. my. god. yes.
I'm skyping with my parents and reading Cosmo articles on giving great head. I'm on a roller coaster that only goes up, baby.
Ahhh sometimes you just need a thermos of whiskey in the library
she just announce I'm david copper field and tried to shove a napkin down my throat
I will be going to walgreens soon.. nothing says trainwreck like pickin up a scrip for xanax at 2am drunk..
So, settle a debate for my housemates. Have you measured your dick. And how long. Results Will not be disclosed
I have to call my new boss to accept the job offer so you have pack the bowl while I pretend I'm a responsible adult THEN we can get high
Just threw up in the trash can at my desk. I guess "beating the hangover" eventually leads to this.
You wouldn't put pants on to see my parents.
I'm sorry I missed your birthday brunch. If it makes you feel any better I woke up wearing someone else's toga and a sombrero
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