does the new i-phone have a pregnancy test app?
You handed some guy a spoon you found, he yelled SPOON GAME, and then the two of you spent the next 20 minutes throwing spoons all over the kitchen.
When I told her that her boyfriend was making out with another chick, all she said was "which one"
I just found out my college boyfriend's nickname is actually a Dutch word for little cucumber.....it all makes sense now.
I'm in the power napping at parties stage of my life
I don't think you should be sorry for such memorable sex that I yell your name when you aren't around.
He drops f bombs like every other word and he just gave me 127 shares of tmobile stock for free. I feel like I should pay him back in blow jobs or something.
I woke up to a shattered My Little Pony garbage pail, a black eye I don't know how I got and no one will look me in the face. Fuck tequila.
Drunk wound on my leg hast healed and neither has my dignity
I know him enough to fuck him but not enough to give him advice.
PS I almost downloaded grindr to see if any guys wanted to buy me chinese food..
still can't believe dude took a personal call while he was balls deep in my mouth.
I asked him to get me another beer, and he started making muffins.
I would climb him like a jungle gym. Enthusiastically and creatively.
Also: I hate her so much. She's out at hooters, making spelling errors, while I'm literally sitting at a clinic getting std tested. Which of us won the morality award in this break up.
Randomize
