How the fuck did you go into work today? You are a better man than I. I couldn't even show up to being unemployed on time.
So would u like to explain why you ate all my pickels and took my 1800?
About that, i have your 1800 on my desk with intentions of returning it but theres nothing i can do about the pickels
I just walked into a tree. I think it's time to go home.
Puked in a plastic neiman Marcus bag while driving. My biggest accomplishment yet
is it weird that i blow-dry my hair and poop at the same time?
not any weirder than you telling me this at 4 in the morning
We did face masks and fucked...he really isn't gay, what they say about europeans is just true
All he did was lie there and used his hands to keep pace. He was like the metronome of sex.
It doesn't matter if I tell the story beginning to end or end to beginning, the story still starts with a random girl blowing me in the bathroom.
Good, she had spurs on her boots. That is a sign for instant herp attack.
Didn't get laid. But got a free pie from a waitress. A whole pie.
Ok that kid was ether gay or 12 with a beard.
Saturday morning. Went into a study room excited b/c some1 had left a paper w/ an inspirational quote: YOU ARE cApable of aChieving anything yoU waNT. Then I read the bold letters.....
He asked me if the reason I slept around is because I grew up in a broken home. I am so done fucking Christians.
I think i'm going to homewreck at this Disney on Ice show.
reason #326 why I'm still single.... my date just told me there's a little boy ghost that lives in his closet because he likes his music.
Randomize
