As a pleasant surprise..I woke to find a Burrito and Bottle of Gatorade .....Merry XMAS to ME
we hate each other therefore the sex is mindblowing
I may be Daddy's little princess, but doesn't mean I can't be the blowjob queen.
He bought me dinner. He gave me his jacket when I was cold. And then ate me out in the passenger sear of the car.
Just woke up to find myself in a random bed with two people next to me having sex. I thought it would be awkward to just suddenly get up so i think I'm gonna lie here and pretend I'm still sleeping.
Holding a cold bottle of mikes hard lemonade against my pulverized taint....this is my Sunday night
Her virginity is one of the last things that remains of our childhood.
we have what I like to call an assload of ramen noodles
He tried to tip me with his police badge...
and you didn't accept WHY?!
He turned down head in favor of a handjob. Not sure if he's crazy or i have magic hands
Apparently he got pepper spray on his dick. So he's a literal fire crotch.
And my cousin was so drunk he called an uber and instead he got into a cop car and they took him to the hospital
woke up with 8 used magnum condoms bound together by floss around my neck, thats about all im gonna tell you.
I'm a teacher who's always telling kids about the importance of due diligence, yet I'm eating an avocado out of a coffee filter because I'm too lazy to wash dishes
It's starting to get sad how I have this 'new beginning' feeling after every negative pregnancy test
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