I have a walk of shame I should be getting to. "Hey, by the way, what is your name?" is not a conversation I want to have today
he just said he'd buy the porn
its a step up from the last guy
all we need is a shotglass and a helicopter.
my dog ran away and came back with a marajuana plant. what are you doing tonight?
So the crazy cock blocking bitch sent her a picture of her boobs using MY phone and said: he's busy at the moment
just used my amazon order history to figure out my anniversary. I am the most epic/shittiest bf ever...
Do you remember peeing in the sink while I was throwing up?
No ma'am, I do not. I found a video of us trying to do a trust fall though. Emphasis on the trying.
Some dude with an OSU jersey just kissed him in the face in front of everyone. I should mention he's wearing a Panda costume. And has already been offered $20 for his suit by Plushies for oral sex.
he's like a horny 3rd grader on cocaine. he needs a leash
You don't even know. The entire marching band thinks I'm an alcoholic.
You give an incredible blow job. I wanted to make sure you know it was appreciated
I just lectured my ex boyfriend on how to eat a girl out what has my life come to
She said I'm going to get you stoned and have you fuck me on the couch.
You were giving me all the reasons why being the big spoon is such a responsibility, and how you wish you were a girl cause the little spoon does nothing
Look don't ask questions just know that one thing led to another and I have a shot glass stuck in my ass. I need your help!!!
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