I decided that not getting a job after college is gods way of telling me I will make a great housewife
can we please take bets on how much therapy you'll need in the future?
So i just found out i replied to my room mates craigslist ad. Akward
The amount of 12yr olds downtown right now boggles the mind. I can thank taylor swift for a glimpse at my future 3rd wife.
Well, my mom brought up me being vague about losing my license and she gave me the intervention look. so i left before they could bring out their heartfelt letters...
We just did a shot to "getting laid in the bar bathroom". I love where this thursday is headed
did you come by the house last night? I found a half eaten corn dog in the mail box.
They called me at 5 AM saying they had a present for me
Delete that photo of me. My ass looks WAY to good it in to be on Facebook for everyone to see. You gotta earn that shit.
The people at subway are so judgy when you stop to get a sandwhich on your walk of shame
guys with girlfriends don't have a leg to stand on when they get mad at you for fucking other guys
Saying I've had more balls in my mouth than you is the last clear, coherent thing I remember.
I think pants incapable of making pants work
I'm so glad you haven't fallen off any more yachts
I think I may have fully transcended this spectrum of life. I can see beams of light man. Down to the photons
What
The only downside is I can't stop skipping
Randomize
