It was all fun and games until Tim shit on the end table
She said she didn't want to have sex because she was so torn up about "this whole NBC thing."
it took me 2 minutes to realize that it wasn't HER hand on my penis. First, and worst threesome ever..
i caught him jerking off, doing his SAT Prep. forever alone.
i must of done something right to please the booty call gods. . . maybe fucking that fat chick?
He is the one I "technically" lost my virginity to.
I feel like you never had a virginity..
I defriended her. I just can't support someone whose profile picture is of their water birth.
I set up her keyboard so that no matter what she does, it will open up RedTube. Click and command Q all you like, its going to porn. No I play the waiting game
I got custody of our girlfriend in the breakup.
I feel like I should treat myself every time I find out I'm not pregnant. Is there a pie company that delivers??
My v day was great. There's a cum stain in the shape of a handprint on my sheets
I found a Trump-humping republican virgin born on the goddamn Fourth of July. I NEED to hate-fuck him.
He couldn't undo my bra. He ended up breaking the clasp he clawed at it so long. We met on Tinder for God sake
my roommates gone so i can take codeine and sleep naked
Hey, sorry I choked you last night... I was just really excited to see you.
Randomize
