Blackout barefoot maybe pregnant
Good decisions....
Just got blue box Mac and cheese things are looking up
That girl's pussy is like White Castles, you crave it once in awhile, but you know next morning you regret eating it.
as soon as you compare a person to an animal, all sexual interest is out the window
Welcome to my life. currently drinking beer through two straws. easier/faster that way.
somehow writing 'not a skank' on yur boobs doesn't really make you look less skanky...
they told me her nickname is "wizard sleeve"
pick me up NOW
Are you available to help carry me into the house Monday?
I've woken up in some weird places in my lifetime, but never in a tent in my own garage.
I'm not proud of how I threatened that 8 year old during drunken laser tag
Don't. You get on the 18 year old. I'll get on the 38 year old. Together we will bridge 2 decades of cock.
I realized I was totally the dude in that hook up. I came first and didn't wanna help him finish. And he had paisley sheets.
I asked the full emergency room who else was there because of homecoming and every single person raised their hand
I just soaked a sugar cookie in nail polish remover to clean off my nails because I was too lazy to walk to the bathroom to get a cotton ball. Is this what rock bottom feels like?
But can mardi gras accurately capture the essence of my tiny rage?
no its a draw, weve been through this, when were keeping score on getting laid i get a plus 1 handicap each week because of your British accent! its only fair!
Randomize
