I walked in on my roommate finishing watching something on his computer. There was cum all over his screen. He awkwardly said hi and pulled up his pants.
She made me repeat after her: "I take responsibility for what I put in my own mouth."
how can you tell if its a queef or a fart from that close?
You'd think with all the porn he watches he'd be a little better at this...
Just a heads up: The party is Fourth of July themed. Spread the word
dude its may
Work with me here, man.
Tried to eat a sandwich this morning. Couldn't. My jaw is locked up. These marathon blow jobs are killing me
We're not in high school anymore. I'm not going to pretend to be impressed as he butchers my favorite songs on his guitar. I just wanted to get laid.
At what point lastnight did a lens fall out of my glasses and nobody tell me?
The sad thing was my husband told her its ok to make out with me. Bar Tuesdays will live on regardless.
So I'm texting her. How do I steer the conversation toward "I honestly would be fine never seeing you again"?
I can always pull a half day at work too. My boss makes exceptions for drug use. Lol. I fucking love my job.
I keep picking up boring men who literally just want to cuddle. HOW AM I THIS BAD AT GETTING SEX?
I just puked in a chili’s bathroom... happy birthday to me
Do I masturbate or eat a pound of matazah. Alissa help what do I do??
I don't know if I'm dying or this is just a mild inconvenience
Randomize
