Girls are like M&M's, once the lights go out you can't tell the difference.
Iiiiiii almost fall ib the lake
I had fun last night. We should have sex less often.
I would have to gauge my vagina to make it fit.
I'm studying for my midterm by watching porn with Spanish subtitles. Surprisingly the words are still really distracting..
OH GOD NOT SANTA BABY. NO NO NO. YOU'RE LIKE 85. OMG MULTIPLE WOMEN. NO NO NO STAHP.
Bobbing for jello shots in a bucket of long island. Fast track to alcohol poisoning.
His mom walking in on us having sex was probably the highlight of the night
Literally the fucking master of salvaging the possibility of a blow job whilst also crushing somebody's dreams.
Was it you that ate my bacon or do I have to rip my roommate's face off?
He gave me a box of cheez-its after sex, does that make me a hooker?
As of right now, my vibrator and a bag of snickers share the same drawer
So here I am, sexting at work.
this bedazzled flask is my best investment yet
it was like 6 shots in and he was automatically my type
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