I just saw a homeless man dressed as a pirate. I love san francisco.
Are you going to tell your therapist we boned?
Charging the asians next door to us $5 a page to print their final papers because theirs broke. Bars close in 2 hours, lets go
I literally paid him in shots to clean my entire apartment. he even vacuumed...who said alcoholism is a bad thing??
there's a guy looking for his pants in my room, is he yours?
Cause I came home. Im covered in green marker and jack daniels. Theres a taco and the words "we went to Mexico" on my wrist. Im a walking abomination.
IM A SHIT SUOW THE GUYS AT THE PMACR TOLD ME AJDBO I WEBF RO WALNARY WITH OU SHOES! I WASHT LLOWES FLOWERSA
its before 9am and ive already had to dip my dick and balls in a glass of milk. probably isnt a good sign for how today is going to go.
I'm working on finding a bottomless situation. Both pants and mimosas.
just because you have a nice tits it doesn't make you a magic little snowflake.
Leave it to me and my dad to puke on the same guy at the same bar 25 years apart
So I almost broadcasted the porn from my phone to the boardroom chrome cast
Sorry I had sex in your backseat while everyone was in the car
It's quite alright. I found his shorts in my backseat, not sure what he was wearing when we dropped him off
I'm sorry you had to knock him out on your birthday. But that also means I won the bet that you'd hit someone so you owe me 40. dollars
And tell your penis that we can hang out tonight for sure.
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