what's Bukake?
a bad idea.
I'm at the psychiatrist, and this lady is crazy.. she keeps yelling about how her HMO insurance gave her breast cancer? Adderall isn't worth this.
Dude my date hates me, Im on a rooftop full of Turkish people, and Ricky Martin is blasting on the radio. I was wrong earlier when I said I have my shit together
The camp director doesn't care if we drink and i'm running the rifle range. Someone is going to get sued.
I was on my way at Dorito Smoothie
Its like after 6 beers, the clap doesn't scare me anymore.
i woke up to banging and pieces of ceiling falling on my face
He acted like he was sleep fucking because I woke up to him screwing me in the middle of the night and he had is eyes closed and was mumbling things the whole time and wouldn't respond to me.
Is that even possible?
I called him by the wrong name to test him and he instantly stopped, rolled over and acted like he was still sleeping...I think he might break up with me tomorrow.
I remember saying to him "Fun fact! If you lie this way it's easier to deep throat!" I even judge me.
Jenna, I'm going to use all my homosexual powers to steal him from you
Austin, I will climb on top of your shoulders and slowly suffocate you with my vagina
You woke up, mumbled something about forgetting to lock the truck at work, slapped my ass, then passed out again...
This guy is selling weed on the train. Like... Straight up. No fucks given.
We're keeping you on a leash this Saint Patrick's Day
He serenaded me a cappella to Ed Sheeran. I wasn't going to leave his dick unsucked.
It is 5:00PM and I'm just now putting on underwear.
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