shape ups are the best shoes to wear when youre stoned. its like walking on little trampolines every step.
I mean, I don't even call it a hangover anymore. It's just morning.
I'm just concerned it's gonna end up in my vagina again
New level of high: If I could bathe in my salsa right now I would.
I love you. Thanks for all the blowjobs.
he's just a really huge penis that sells weed
She kept telling me to calm down. I was on the floor with my eyes shut, not moving. In levels of calm I was one step above coma patient
i took a picture of my dick. with a stick figure drawn on it. and a paper hat taped to the tip. and i call i the mayor of Dickville
I just got a huge discount at GameStop for having tits. I win.
I'm offering you baseball tickets and my vagina, isn't that enough?
Tequila, beer, rum, gin, and vodka all mixed in my body last night. The whole "never turn down free booze" is catching up to me. Hungover = understatement of the year.
What I've learned from glowsticks: glowing things are not safe to eat
Btw his name is Woody. I must be really drunk to think this is a good situation
I feel like I should treat myself every time I find out I'm not pregnant. Is there a pie company that delivers??
No it's like. I don't respect you. And I think you're a terrible person but. I still wanna bone it out.
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