if you're gona send my txt to that site at least change my area code plz
he just sent me a friend request on facebook. i wish it were physically possible to vomit on him through the internet.
i'm high and 74% sure there's a monster in my closet
He left his umbrella behind in my bed to 'keep me company', then stole my front door key before he went to work
Judging by the hole in the wall by the door, the mis-matched shoes by the door, and the door hanging off one hinge... i'd say he's on the loose.
You did a strip tease for the toilet.
It's 10AM, she's drunk blaring veggie tales and I have a paper to write you've got to be fucking kidding me
Bartenders are not toys. I repeat, bartenders are not toys.
There is a 90 percent chance I threw up in a mailbox last night....
Thats why you dont have a "jubilant gunfire celebration"
I was grinding on him when mosquitoes starting biting us and ruined every damn thing. I just wanted to fuck on a slide under the stars. It's every girls dream.
What's life without a pregnancy scare?
Did I, at any point last night, say I was dying?
I wish I could say this wasn't the first time I shit myself in a Piggly Wiggly.
So apparently I fell asleep sitting on the toilet last night while my drunk girlfriend sang to me.
Randomize
