K, im just throwing this out there, i am not making out with any of his friends... Especially the cross eyed one.
Why were you high on a thursday?
today's a wednesday
I asked first.
dude. late night with jimmy fallon isnt even funny. the people in the audience there to see him dont even think hes funny.
kinda like you and your friends.
Why are you ignoring all of my texts?
The power was out.
I've come to the conclusion that the only reason I fucked him was because he reminded me of Seth Rogen.
Next time we're there I want drunk pics of us trying to ride the stone lions downtown. Don't even attempt to fight me on this.
well its a long story but basically i overcame many cockblocks
So mom called me from the hospital laughing her ass off. Apparently my sister is allergic to cocaine...
If my sophomore year were to be made into a novel, it would be titled "dances with salvia"
Look, if I'm too lazy to put any effort into sexting, you better believe I'm too lazy to put any effort into dating.
Got head at the top of a water slide over-looking the valley while wearing a sombrero and drinking a corona. Epic.
I hope you get eaten by satanic starfish.
I woke up on my girls floor with a pound of muenster cheese in my shirt pocket
I have blood and BBQ sauce all over my shirt. I blame you for the blood.
This is a hangover from hell. Delivered by the devil himself.
Randomize
