i hit her car. ill just send her a farmville gift in the morning. then it'll be alright.
you kept spraying the cat with water and then telling it to "man up" when it cried
I walked downstairs and there were 50 sorority girls. I wasn't expecting an audience during my walk of shame.
How many times can you lose to your mom in beer pong before you can no longer show your face around campus?
It wasn't random sex though, it was almost a relationship, built on lies and sex
You know its good night when theres makeup smears on the toilet seat
she made sit in a corner, drink nothing but water and told me she was worried about me because i picked up an irish guy at a taxi rank. says the girl who invented tequila night and fucked a guy in a park across the street from a sweet sixteenth.
My mom got me high and then dropped me off at a church.
I've abandoned trying to find a logical explanation of your life.
He looks like a fat version of lurch from the adams family and smells like fritos. This is not the caliber man I want pleasuring himself to the thought of me!
I just saw a herd of slutty loofahs run down the street...
Don't patronize me, I thought of that on peyote, so it was basically like a message from God.
I look like shit btw. Like the joker from Batman.
I'm not sure how that's possible unless you put on face paint. Which I would respect.
I'm like going proud parent over you doing drugs, this is so wrong.
I told people at my moms bar that all I needed to sober up was to get my asshole licked, and I blame you 110%.
it's okay that you two hooked up in the family bathroom at the mall.. i just pray to god you were not making a family in the family bathroom..
Randomize
