And Anthony pissed on himself at the strip club
Just found out you can rent the rollerena for 100 bucks and you can bring your own beer... when are you free this week?
Also, just saw a homeless man answer a phone call on a blackberry...
The freshman came home at 9 this morning with one heel, no pants, and a strangers sweatshirt covered in tequila-scented vomit. I think we're done corrupting her for a while.
Knitting and drinking wine. Forget my 21st birthday, might as well just skip to my 60th
i can recognize that vagina from a mile away
I wanna get "leaving my dick in charge" drunk.
Bad behavior is like a petri dish that grows organically In my heart
my make-up looks really good tonight. I swear it had nothing to do with me finishing all of your strawberry vodka.
I just took the soggiest of beer shits and all i have to eat is shredded cheese and more beer. I need an adult.
I just puked in my courtyard and dripped toothpaste in my chest hair. You better be getting laid or this drunk is wasted.
Just realized I'm still chewing the same gum post blow job. This Stride shit really has everlasting flavor. They should totally have an ad campaign based on blow jobs.
Foreplay went from me being a bank teller and him a customer to us actually having to go to the bank so we would make rent
I was actually kind of excited. I mean, how many people can say they've been question by the CIA?
You know you're getting old when you pick up hot sorority girls at the bar, and they write down their phone number, and under it 'we're great babysitters!'
Randomize