do you believe in love at first sight?
awwwwww =)
yea.. so can i have your sisters number? thanks!
After 4 hours of foreplay he passed out and almost immediately peed in my bed. Naked. Like a fountain. Then tried to deny it in the morning by saying he just sweats a lot.
It is 3am. I'm at a pizzeria with my 4 friends. The one to my right is throwing up on herself, the one to my left is crying hysterically by herself, the one in front of me is passed out on the table, and the other is trying to find a taxi and I'm pretty sure a guy is sticking his hand up her skirt. Tourists are taking pictures. Help me.
Ya know, years from now when that kid is old enough, I'll get to regale him with the story of how I was his father's AND uncle's first gay experience.
A girl limped into my class 15 minutes late wearing sunglasses, leggings, and a kiss me im irish shirt. She sat down and took her glasses off and im pretty sure she only had one eye's makeup still on. Someone had a great st pattys day.
screw jello shots the kids from the culinary school made pudding shots with 4 loko.
at the time it didn't seem likely that you would ever find the cake in your underwear
doing an easter egg hunt in a liquor store right now. i feel so adult
Let's be honest. I make up for my well below average sized penis with a great personality and a possibly successful future
He told me I was 100% better then porn then passed out nto the cake
"just because you look like a short version of scarlet johanson does not mean I would immediately fuck you" that was the single.most difficult thing to say. but seriously I don't want the roots of the whore tree anywhere near my junk.
Winning the lottery was the best thing that ever happened to my penis.
Greatest pickup line ever: "We are out celebrating winning the lottery."
I think I accidentally agreed to be someone's surrogate
Just took plan b with my eggs and chai...homecoming got the best of me already
Oh dear. Sending much love.
Just send a machete.
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