giving a blow job on a jetski isn't as easy as it sounds.
I'm reducing my diet to vodka and rice cakes.
you convinced me to pee myself because I was wearing dark jeans.
I would have done it. But then again I am a starving student who can manipulate my brain into thinking my decision was somehow morally justifiable.
Bring fortys. we have the duct tape. its onnn mothafuckaaaa
If your nipples ruin my wedding photos I will kill you.
So you're saying you don't want to be with her anymore because she likes sex to much and is just to hot?
Well when you say it that way it makes me sound like an idiot.
You are an idiot.
We did it to 80's cardio music. Talk about a workout.
Why is our fridge full of girl scout cookies and rum?
You told me to go grocery shopping.
I puked into my skirt and then had to carry it to the bathroom and dump it out, Lmfao and it was like 2pm
But he's super into Jesus and I'm the devil. So we weren't meant to be
You said, "I'll have this whole island inside of you by 6 AM. Just point out who you want and I'll make it happen."
you're telling me you don't want to have sex 30,000 feet above the earth?
death, taxes, and me drunk texting you are 3 certainties in life
Now I know Sunday Funday means fucking till you loose your voice.
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