Babe when I told you that you needed to grow up I didn't mean get drunk and sponsor 8 African kids.
i tried to climb in the window in the limo because i wanted the driver to take me to get noodles. ive reached a new level of fat kid
I dont know if you relize this but ive been high ly medicated in my room for a whil now. GOing out into the real world would make me li ke tom ha nks. im not ready to be tom hanks..
When I left you, you were walking into a room with a half naked girl. When I returned 2 minutes later, you were locked out of the room naked and she was screaming obscenities from inside. How do you manage to make every girl hat you?
Remember when there was a happier time when people could all hang out together with out the awkwardness of the fact that she stole $1000 and cheated on a brother with another brother !?!??
She was touching herself and looking a shoes online. My debt is bad enough without bringing that hot mess into my life.
I slipped on a piece of pizza last night and when the bouncer helped me up I told him the garbage can pushed me.
.As long as you're some how patriotic with your sexual escapades, I can support it.
We popped the air mattress last night via sex and we just kept going but it feels like I have a bruise on every vertebrae
the fact that I always have. bottle of tequila in my purse is not helping my current sitch
She started throwing ice at me and started yelling, "Holy water bitches! This is an exorcism!"
Yes, ur purse got stole with our condo keys in it but my slut ass saved us and we had a place to stay, AND I got to choke a motherfucker while riding him. Thats taking one for the team.
Accidentally texted co-worker instead of bf “I’m wfh tomrw. Nooner? 💦”
You call it sex. I call it penis conditioning.
There's a fuckload of syrup all over the floor.
Randomize
