Just had to reach into my sister's bag and shut off her vibrator so my parents wouldn't hear it. I am the world's greatest brother.
I'm watching Intervention to get pumped up for tonight
Is there a zoo near here? I need to see some penguins like right now..
I am not bailing you of of jail
The more I stare at her and block out what she's actually saying with thoughts of what she could be saying, the more interested I become
He wanted to feed hamburgers to the homeless... as a first date... who the fuck is this kid
Eating pizza and drinking wine while I watch the Victoria's Secret Fashion Show. The wine is for reducing the pain of falling asleep with more insecurities than what I woke up with.
well he got me up crazy early but i got pizza for breakfast and an electric blanket to sleep with sooo he passed the one night stand test.
Do you still speak french? one of two girls I woke up with only speaks french...
We are no longer allowed to have pre 4th party week. I woke up with a donut stuck to my face and 'MILF' written in black marker on my stomach.
Mother of the Year
Good. Go forth, young stallion. Destroy the vaginal region with your tidy crotch.
Let's celebrate our freedom by getting high and doing stupid shit.
nothing like waking up to a voice mail saying your std test came back negative
Watch out for the bush at the end of your steps. it comes out of nowhere
I just talked with someone about real estate trends in Atlanta then got three blowjobs in a row. Boom.
Have you ever realized how weird it is to think that you've fucked someone and don't know what their handwriting looks like?
Randomize
