ya i looked horrible drunk and pregnant isn't a good combination
I woke up to a topless girl handing me a blunt. Candidate for greatest wake-up ever?
he kept a regular condom in his wallet just so he could comment on how it wouldnt fit before whipping out the magnums. i give him points for the build up
A piece of cheeseburger just fell between my tits. Consider this a "wish you were here" postcard.
Theres a picture of you hanging up on the wall in mcdonalds, i'm impressed
You know how I got mad at him for making out with his formal date? Apparently I fucked mine. I'm guessing any exclusivity is out of the question.
So apparently I threw a potted plant at a clown last night and told him to get his life together.
When I woke up everyone at the party was in their underwear. Only you guys were playing strip pong.
Yes, we all have the power to convince a large amount of people to take their clothes off
I'm honestly considering asking her if I can eat her out, as a friend.
We took her out for fresh air and next thing we knew, she was stumbling around the backyard picking dead leaves up off the ground and putting them in her shirt to "save them".
It has moved into the cliche "thin line between love and hate" real quick. With her. Not Taco Bell.
See? I told you no boy in roller skates could be entirely straight.
My bad man. I was at a strip club, and apparently it's like a big deal to take your phone out in one of those places.
That time of your life is like a blur to me. There was churches, car fucking, and conservatives
I woke up to a gigantic ft-long tootsie roll and a note by drunk me with the words "you're welcome"
Randomize
