very cute, but more "I wanna put you in my pocket and keep you as a pet" and less "please bang me" type of cute.
i'm at a stripclub and this bitch just lit her nipples on fire!
Did you know Kal Penn works at the white house? That's almost white castle.
Breakfast of vicodin and eggs out of a solo cup at about three in the afternoon on a wednesday...I have my life together
There's so much relief when you realize you wake up in your own bed
judging by her collection of mens sweaters, shes fucked the entire lands end catalog.
Stand up sex. Extremely, extremely difficult. I now know how pointe dancers feel.
It's a lost cause. Soon she's gonna get naked, just let nature run its course
Sorry, that was mean and I didn't mean it. I'm just mad at condoms
Did we do drunk science last night? There's tequila in the test tubes...
When dealing with embarassing medical issues, don't you want your brother's wife to be the one fishing around up your ass?
It got weird I got a phone call while looking at porn and the video started playing while on the phone full on porn audio.
I started keeping track of my period when I realized you had a better grasp of it than me.
An old Grimace plushie came to life and gave me a pretty knife. I'm never doing acid again.
What’s the level of adulting when you reschedule a dentist appointment to have a threesome?
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