so after all day drinking, we went to an all u can eat crab place and i was going from table to table surveying the crowd if they though the crab i was carrying around looked like the flying dog from never ending story...what the hell is wrong with me?
yeah i just made her a character on oregon trail and i hope she gets dysentry and dies. that'll show her.
If I had a penis I would totaly hang shit off it. Like stretched out peach rings and fruit rollups.
Im am drinking whisky alone in my parents basement. I think I just watched the point of no return stroll by.
i mean, we fucked on the futon in the garage where his band practices. pretty sure im now obligated to like his band on facebook.
I feel like hell. The amount of black beans I found in my hair tells me I hit rock bottom
He made me a "booty call of the year" award.
I'm going to look like a jackass in the Mexican newspaper tomorrow.
Text me if you also stopped reading harry potter in the 4th grade and wanna go to the bars tonight instead of the midnight premiere
I feel like everything in this room is sweating
What's the policy for hitting on a girl at a funeral? She seems more bored than sad.
As my straight cousin I need you to answer a question. Are the Astros a baseball team, and if so, are they good? This is flirting related and time-sensitive.
I'm not gonna lie. I'm a little scared.
Good. The Jell-O shots look great.
Please remind me next time not to call the ex who cheated on me to cry about the ex who forgave me for putting him in prison. It would be much appreciated.
NO ITS THAT IM A SEXUAL DEVIANT AND CANT FILTER MYSELF
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