It's like a parade of train wrecks.
The police are arresting two women who got in a fight for the last Twilight DVD at Best Buy. Classic.
I wish a night of watching Dear John and a bottle of wine could cure my herpes.
I keep hearing lesbian porn and I'm the only one home. I don't think this is healthy
This is the weirdest negotiation ever.
This is what happens when two people with zero shame try to argue.
he was very distressed by my statements that there could have been balls on shoulders without awareness
Dude, she gave me a handski that literally felt like she was starting a lawn mower...
I didn't mind you coming over, just I'm quite sure most booty calls don't involve a scavenger hunt...
There's no discreet way to sneak a cucumber into the shower lol
WHY THE FUCK IS MY BATH TUB FILLED WITH MUD?!
1. You were drunk 2. You wanted a mud bath\n3. We tried to talk you out of it, but you kept throwing dirt at us
Seriously insulted!! You can not share my dick pick with your gay brother. He won't quit poking me on fb
Please tell me that all of the things I remember doing last night didn't really happen. Please.
We were making out on the floor and his 13 year old beagle crawled in between us & just sat there...I got cockblocked by an ancient beagle named Bubba
Your cat ate my taco.
. . . I don't have a cat?
It was laying in your bed. Now it's hunting for more tacos.
Honestly his girlfriend says she hates me cause she thinks im trying to get him to cheat on her with me...she should hate me cause i already accomplished that.
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