Hey sorry for feelin' up your date. Sadly, this is a mass txt.
i just made a list of the people i have slept with. is it bad that some of them are just either names of the places i met them or the color of the shirts?
i also rounded the number up for good measure. i am sure there are a few i have forgotten about.
I only make drug deals in a British accent. It's my way of making sure it doesn't get too sketch.
She sucked her thumb until she was 17. It's like my dick was born to be in her mouth.
Accidentally just signed something at work 'lotus flower' I need to keep my stripper life separate from real life.
I wonder if I could sublet my bathtub to anyone.
Are you absolutely against sleeping in your car? Because i've done that before.
There's some drunk girl alone in the field, she looks like she could use some help.
Also it's only fair that you know that that girl is me.
He started screaming when he saw my dog. He thought it was a polar bear
I can't believe you picked a finger in the ass over lunch with me.
which one of you assholes put my new jeans down the garbage disposal?!
Closed my eyes in the shower and got really dizzy. Not sure if neurological or result of 4 day vodka binge. Send help.
Kind of like the new iOS 10 because I can send sexts with fireworks or confetti. Really gets the point across
Howd it go?
Well we had the "no we're not fucking on the porch" conversation but then we totally fucked on the porch. So I'd say alright.
welp,tonight ive reached new levels. by new levels I mean,i showed some guys my boobs for water. on your tab.. the most pointless thing ive ever done. either we should hang out way more,or never again.
Randomize
