how hairy? two words: wookie tits
I dont know whats worse: her telling me she was so drunk i was "almost sexy," the fact that even when theyre shitfaced, im just "almost sexy" to girls, or the fact that i wasnt that offended by it.
Thanks for the ave Maria song you left on my phone that lasted for TEN minutes.
The first clue should've been that he literally had shit in his hair. How does that even happen?
so i guess now we know you can get away with peeing mere feet from the Capitol if you shout IM PREGNANT at the guards
I decided to let him keep the rest of my good weed as an "I'm sorry for being a drunk ass ho" consolation prize.
ever had one of those days where you say fuck it and lick the inside of a bag of chips
I just don't understand how she's willing to go through so much planning and effort just to get a dick inside of her
I feel like I would find myself in so much trouble if I hadn't married my DD.
Have you ever felt like autocorrect is judging you with its suggested words? Like how it won't suggest certain words until you type in pretty much the entire word, is it just thinking 'No way did this dude use "consent laws" in the same sentence as "17th?" Or is that just me.
I was chasing pulls of fireball with bites of a bagel and yelling at people to take tequila shots with me. I shouldn't be allowed to go out alone.
Omg drank too much. Threw up in my Santa hat on the train and then of course it leaked all over me.
Jesus fuck that was emotional whiplash
Her new crush is a 6'2" guacamole baron that may also be a Jedi.
I smell of tequila and Im going to a funeral. This is my life.
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