Last night, you attempted to motor boat my vagina then proceeded to blow raspberries on it. Don't ever do that again.
I woke up on the stairs at of a Disneyland hotel. Yes, my night was amazing.
I've already agreed to hook up with 3 people tonight, and its not even 2:00 yet... I think this is what the path to success looks like.
I consider my hand a solid 5. So if I'm dipping below a 7.5, I might as well go with old faithful.
I just tinder matched with a blue angels pilot. I need to make out with him. For America.
I feel as though my head has drastically changed shape
I just formed the "shit on a tree in Chicago club." And I feel awful about it.
I have a story for you. It involves waffles and getting naked with the local weatherman.
I DONT HAVE A FUCKING JOB RIGHT NOW. DO YOU THINK I HAVE TIME TO WASTE GOING BACK AND FORTH WITH SOMEONE WHOS LYING, ABOUT LYING, AND JUST BEING A LIAR? HONESTLY, YES I DO HAVE TIME. BUT I HAVE A FUCKING LOT BETTER THINGS I COULD BE WASTING MY TIME DOING. LIKE ORGANIZING MY POKEMON CARD COLLECTION.
Why is there a horse in the backyard?
I stayed at my gfs last night. This is all on you.
It feels weird going to sleep without hugging the toilet goodnight
The last thing I remember was them slipping shots into my beer bong, and me being happy about it
You really do take on your dog's personality she sounded like her pug breathing when we were going at it.
Anyone who does not know who Paul McCartney is does NOT get to put hands in my pants
Hey Girl, we got home safe!
I know, I drove you
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