Got a plan. Ill do rock paper scissors and if you win we smoke a joint. Throw rock.
I just queefed in yoga class and now the old man next to me is smiling at me.
Too bad it's not "confirm, ignore or not unless I've had 20+ beers"
I just saw two girls throwing up in the bathroom. they were high-fiving under the stall...
me and this guy in my office just exchanged an "i saw you at a drag show last night" look as he passed by my desk.
its mom's weekend..did we need to couger proof the apt?
i feel like everytime i say im going to quit drinking someone comes along with a better idea about drinking
Why do I have flashes of a dark shed in my memory?
Because we had sex in one.
You actually went to class. Im eating dry cereal naked and watching bring it on.
Challenge: Try to have your balls hanging out in every picture you take tonight
Challenge Accepted
Just saw you in traffic. You may have noticed me, I was the corpse driving the white car.
I'll check it out in the morning. Tonight has been reserved for getting baked and covering myself in kittens because THAT IS AN OPTION.
Please come quick there are people in suits here judging me
Hey so I got my period
Thank god I wasn't ready to deal with sober you for 9 months
I'm floating on a rainbow and a purple elf is giving me advice. COME NOW!!!
Randomize