We are surrounded by old people. Heavens waiting room for sure.
Please tell me you did not just serenade her with "Let's Get it On"?
Yeah I think it worked. My penis thanks you, Captain Morgan.
I told my rommate that he was pissing on his bed. He said "ok man" and took a step backwards and continued. He then went back to bed.
you were carrying a trash bag around insisting it was your purse. I'll let you guess how your night went
it's so much work when my dad takes my car to get fixed, i had to take out the bottles, condoms, and my pipe
Didn't get laid. But got a free pie from a waitress. A whole pie.
juast therw a cheeeeesestirng over the fnce. stuckit to sombodys car winheild... gonna luagh if i find it mlted in the mrning.
I mean how do you tell a nurse in the ER that you dislocated your knee giving a blowjob to your boyfriend.
Very innocently.
I know you're my sister, but I'm pretty sure I'm going to have sex with one of your exes this weekend. He's probably not gay, but I'll let you know.
Who showers for four hours?!
It was like a tropical nap.
Am I a bad person for getting my ex to DD me and a random hookup home last night?
Definitely just realized I wore a shirt that says "building leaders for Christ" to a hookup. Roll tide.
Client visitor days are the worst. If I have to wear a tie and can be hungover at least have the decency to find some more attractive visitors
The fact that I made out with a twenty one year old father is kind of worrying me now. Like. This is exactly what I wasn't supposed to do in life.
Just letting you know that your little sister is now your eskimo brother. You can send a thank you edible arrangement to Tammy.
Randomize
