i know we just met, but i forget your name, and i'm wondering why my penis burns?
My goal for the party is to get everyone in a diaper. Reasonable?
Peanut butter while high is kinda stressful
Best. Handjob. Ever.
I'm guessing Kelly is over?
Nope. Home alone.
Well he's not exactly single.. It's like an open relationship his wife doesn't know about
I can't even use my hands i'm so hungover
He made a fake guest pass that was just a note card with "I'm here. Me." written in sharpie, and tried to convince the security guard it was real.
It's my first ever "i'm sorry for my excessive drug use" hand turkey. And I think it's pretty boss.
I just watched a guy smoke weed through a French Horn. He is my hero
I snorted a few ambien and woke up here. A lady banged on our door, waking us up, demanding our towels.
The wizard has you scheduled for a 6am sex breakfast
I'm so there
Am I not being subtle enough by giving him a rainbow striped bong, during PRIDE MONTH?
He sent me a dick pic, and it had smeared lipstick on it. So I sent him the pic of my tit with the hickey ring your brother gave me.
i survived drinking for 24 hours, an 8 ball of cocaine and a threesome. I think you can handle moving.
OMG OMG OMG I just throwed up in his pillow case when he wentto start the sho wer, time to grab my bra and bounce!!!
Wow.
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