she's leaving w me bro, I've been buying her mad shots. She's seen my apt. So locked down.
and all i could think was, am i really about to have sex with someone who still thinks that pee comes out of the actual vagina?
We are not turning the camelbak into a beer bong
This guys mom bought us a 24 pack and drove me and 8 others to a frat house... Hello moms weekend.
LSD in a sugar cube. Dropped it in my whiskey sour and felt like I was rowing a boat.
You put Smirnoff in your grape juice and called it communion...
I'm done being subtle here. MOVE INTO MY EXTRA BEDROOM SO WE CAN FUCK WHENEVER AND NOT HAVE TO WORRY ABOUT FINDING PEOPLE TO HAVE CASUAL SEX WITH.
you live like 200 miles from me and I have two years of school left
goddamnit stop pointing out all the flaws in my plan
I taught her to play Monopoly. She sold me her bra to keep from going bankrupt.
we all thought you were asleep. he found you an hour later sitting outside in the snow lighting a bowl, singing the CatDog theme song, and hugging a box a Franzia.
I'M SORRY THIS WAS SEXTING AND I MADE IT SERIOUS.
Does the term "on fleek" apply to dicks or just eyebrows?
Think of it as a business transaction. That's how I justify all the horrible things I do. Blow my married boss? Just a business transaction.
Ugh hungover at a laundromat is a terrible feeling. For some reason I keep getting sucked into staring at the clothes spinning around and around and it makes me want to profusely projectile vomit everywhere
I just found two ugly toothless rednecks fucking in the woods in my backyard. The man shouted at me close the door your letting the stank out which made no sense to me cuz we where outside. Whatever. just another Monday in the Northwoods.
It’s official. I’ve hooked up with all three brothers now
You should go after Dad now
I should! He’s definitely middle age fuckable
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