bahahaha. this guy working at subway literally has someone's name tattooed on his arm, crossed out, and another name below it.
the guy i hooked up with is asleep on our couch. please dont fuck him.
I don't even know why I got my vag waxed
Ugh, tell me about it. As each day passes and the hair grows more, I get a little more depressed.
I take back everything bad I said about that song party in the usa. There's just something about seeing a cross dresser lipsing it that makes a song sooo much better.
you made your own hammock out of a towel and duct tape.
I made two strippers play rock paper scissors to see who would give me a lap dance last night
Sorry I didn't text you for coffee this morning...bad life decision Saturday sorta rolled into Monday...
The things happening in my intestines right now should only ever happen at truck stops and frat houses.
Do you count doing $200 of coke off his dick until 6am as a successful rekindling of our relationship or...
Naked snow angels was a very bad idea. My vag is now frozen shut.
The woman in the flower onesie is claiming she hasn't been drinking.
I have a terrible feeling that I made out with a fraternity last night
How to not get laid: tell him he reminds you of your brother. While having sex. Thanks, vodka.
When I type "sleep" my phone suggests "with Trevor". My phones an asshole.
I know. I know. He'll be weekday dick.
Randomize
