Let's make love on the newspapers that declare financial doomsday
umm..so Dad's wearing a thong, I don't know what to do
put a dollar in it?
Drunk in some girls audi what the fuck is happenin i love sb
it's ELEVEN
thirty
found a new level of pathetic. i watched a guy pick out cigarette butts from a jar that weren't completely finished. make sure you go somewhere in life.
she's using the space heater to try to heat up a pop-tart...
Ever have those mornings where you just can't wait to puke in the shower?
God, for the last time, no I did not break my nose doing a keg-stand just for a nose job.
Don't talk about his dick. That's mine. There's a copyright on it. Use with permission
You will go out on a boat of flames filled with honor, sarcasm, and assholery, let me assure you.
He drinks vodka like healthy people drink water and I wanted to have his adopted gay babies. That's all. I'm going to go find him and potentially propose.
why are there 3 differently sized panties on our kitchen counter?
Did I wash my face last night at your house? Where did my eyebrows go??
You're the only guy I know who could convince a lady at the pharmacy to trade you her pain pills for your antibiotics.
How you doing tonight? I got my butthole licked so i cant complain.
People don't believe me when I say the bruises are from work. They just smile and say "right." Trust me, I WISH my sex life was that exciting.
Randomize
