I was just standing there and then BOOM! She was attacking my face with her mouth.
I don't get it, man. She treated me like a sexual predator but treated you like a piece of meat.
So she is eating her margarita with tortilla chips....like using her chip as a spoon
Yea. But u kept saying "as long as she doesn't have aids" so I was concerned
Well.. considering he unknowingly dated a prostitute, I consider myself the winner in that break up.
he has a puerto rico area code and says his name is johnny cash. extremely suspect
I'm pretty sure they had a hash wedding cake. I love college weddings.
I'm convinced that college is the only place where one can have an existential crisis over what sweatpants to wear
I was just laying in bed wondering if there's more important things in life than cheese stuffed pretzels.
We couldve played the bring a random boy to lunch game but i made him go home
I just dropped a paperclip into my cleavage while talking to the company president... That's an awkward moment.
Did you at least offer to let him get it out??
He was pretty handsy. Told me I tasted like smoke. Good think he tasted that and not the stomach acid I just puked not ten minutes before.
How many times have you told me to call 911 this week?
Lol twice
There's nothing like a guy talking about your vagina as if it's delicious food to make your day better.
I have 4 more smokes and 6 more beers to go before I make a life changing decision like that.
You were licking skittles to check if they were "halucinateizers" so no, you are not leaving the house while on antibiotics.
Randomize
