I took Valium worth by frank. I squabble
Li shadha you vin. It's phot out. I just ate a fried Oreo
Marg and I just meaowed the nat anthem. I was tenor.
'm tripping baaaaaaaaaaaaaaas
I did that thing where I cum for no reason again.
Remember, sex is not sex til both people cross the finish line. Until then, it is just a favor.
turns out I still hate jay leno...even at 10pm.
Dating my ex's drug dealer.. best. revenge. ever.
It would be been irresponsible not to make cleaning the apartment into a drinking game
Your lack of great college experience of margaritas and foam parties scares me
We can't BOTH have terrible sex lives. Get fucked or throw him out.
After a roaring rendition of Jay-Z's "99 Problems but a bitch ain't one" I ended up making her cry on her birthday.
Also I told several people at the bar last night that my dad the alligator wrestler died wrestling an alligator. So if anyone asks that's real.
Was looking through my phone and saw that drunk me took a tit pic in the Denny's bathroom..
I am drunk at 8am listening to Cyndi Lauper and dressed up in a penguin suit
why does every cop we meet know your name?
We met behind our asshole boss's back with the intent to oust him from the company. If this revolution is a success, bring nachoes.
Randomize
