I was in the bathroom and her cat just looked at my penis with a profound hatred.
what, no i told him that it wasnt nessesary to put all 5 fingers in my vagina
RAWRRRR IMA PURPLE DINO
dude i'm sitting right next to you.. stop texting me
standing in line at subway, they've got 'stand up and get crunk' blaring. the lines out the door and everyone is dancing. Lombardi Gras rules.
he was shitfaced drunk and couldn't walk but could still recite the top 10 in order from the first season of american idol. impressive
All he did was lie there and used his hands to keep pace. He was like the metronome of sex.
i need you to babysit me first week back at school. havent had tequila, adderal, or sex w randoms in 3 months
It's only 11:30 and she's already making friends with the homeless...
BEER BONG IN THE STOCKROOM COME IN TO WORK TODAY
Saw a girl on a walk of shame bend down and look in a pizza box by a trash can to see if there was still a slice left. That's when you know
Executive order 941: BRING ME THE FINEST PANCAKES!
You have got to stop watching the West Wing before going out.
Nothing says "Hello, Adulthood!" quite like receiving a dick photo at 11AM from a guy you haven't heard from since fifth grade.
I'm starting to think my emotional health is declining because I was watching transformers today and legit almost started crying
good morning. i just did a walk of shame in front of his grandmother.
My boyfriend's mom is the manager of Wendy's. The same one I took a pregnancy test in.
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