i'm signing you up for texting rehab
Idk man, it felt like my skin was a suit and I could feel it zipping up my side and up to my mouth. And then my head felt like a ventriloquist dummy's head, with the jaw thing..it was freaky, dude
You think that's a metaphor for anything, champ?
Shut the hell up.
Do you remember last night at all? Be honest
I need to look at the pictures on my camera to fill in the gaps.
nothing as in nothinggggg kills the mood for me is when a girl with 4 cm nipple hair
I envy you so much. I get girls who pee on my floor and you get girls who leave in the middle of the night
Now that you're back together are you gonna tell him you set his stuff on fire?
He told me I had nice tits + they have a great shape. + then proceeded to flatten my boob + show me what the gross tits he's seen look like.
seeing two freshman taking a cab home at noon on a Monday makes me realize how much worse my life choices could have been
I mean you guys are my friends and all but if you fuck with me I will not hesitate to set you on fire
How hard to you think I will be judged if I order 8 giant pickles from Jimmy Johns right now?
I woke up naked on my couch playing a video game I thought I had dreamed about... oh yeah, and someone cut my hair.
Yeah, I only wore tennis shoes under the gown. Way cooler than khakis and a shirt, but much more awkward when my parents wanted to go to dinner immediately after the ceremony and my grandmother started to unzip the gown. Stopped her before it was too late, but barely. My dad just rolled his eyes.
I never thought people would keep their guns next to their fake plastic penises, but there they were.
I was randomly pulled aside to have my bag checked. It had 50 condoms in it.
I think it's time for tequila and I to go our separate ways
Randomize
