There is a strange man mowing my lawn. Best day ever.
i'm touring the leper colony via mapquest street view so we dont have to go there
is her vagina suppost to smell like dirty taco bell?
You're a big dope. Life is about fighting for what you want, not accepting what you hate.
Why does tequilla always make you text me?
she fucked me tho cuz it was her cat's birthday. As soon as we were done she just says "ahhh tequila tuesdays"
True bitches know their best friends favorite Boones Farm flavor.
Im drinking ciroc out of an ice cream cone... my night is going fantastic
Someone please drive out to my house to bring me a beer.. There are some in the fridge but I just can't get up
I have learned that if you don't want to hook up with the guy who walked you home, food is great compensation.
Nah, just ran around, pinned random men to walls, bit their lips of and booked it.
If you are breathing, I want you at your house. No non-breathing-related excuses.
Never drinking again. Maybe, if our boss gave us more 3-day weekends we would know how to handle ourselves. That was a shit show.
he thought it would be funny to put his dick inside a beer bottle and wear it around. until we all realized how small his dick would have to be to fit in a beer bottle
After a while I was so wet that I started crying. HE MADE ME SO HORNY I WEPT.
Bro. I traded my coat. I have a Raiders coat now.
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