I just found 22 drunken videos and 4 naked pictures on my phone. We'll start the bidding at $5
So I had to explain to her that pussy doesn't mean a cat
What kind of person begs for a BJ from someone who just got their wisdom teeth out?
I'm sitting in the middle of them on his bed, forcing them to watch Brokeback Mountain. I am the best cock blocker ever.
He kept making me pretend I was his personal trainer. When I swallowed his cum he made me pretend I was drinking a protein shake. Thats actually what it tasted like.
It's my coworker's last day party and I'm the one who ended up shitfaced on the train with half a bottle of belvedere in my bag.
What the fuck is wrong with your family? Why do you have unfrosted pop tarts.
I'm eating my emotions. I am no longer interested in anybody other than my own hand and vagina.
The cops walked in and cracked up bec he was passed out on the couch in a pink tutu.
The things i do for you...I put all those condoms on a bed, complete with girl, and you sleep in the bathroom
I just ran into the woods like an idiot because ADVENTURE.
Just stepped off the plane in St. Louis. I'm breaking out in hives, I'm allergic to Midwesterners. Can't WAIT to get the fuck out of here.
currently googling "apology gifts for when you poop on their floor"
Remember when we tried to have fun last time..? I got put in a choke hold and you woke up in some ones car.
my mom talks about my drinking like its a problem and yet this morning she fills me a solo cup with champagne for the shower.
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