: am i supposed to send the mass text 'merry christmas!' to my booty calls too?
I saw a girl walking around campus with bandages on both her knees. I need to get her number.
We have a guy passed out in the bathroom with one of our pots. Not sure if he's your friend so I let him be
When I was with you my penis felt like a fat woman crammed into a pair of lulu lemons
I got shot at today. If that doesn't get me at least a blow job I give up working on the south side
I really want to lead this Amish guy into temptation
They are taking turns pissing on the fire. This is my life.
In my next life I better get to be a bird. Fuck flying. I'm gonna shit on your car. Every. Day.
Is the mullet a good, great, or horrible idea before we leave for college
There is a video on my phone of me suckling a bag of wine from your crotch area while you say "The Body of Christ" in a Michigan accent. I vaguely remember being offended by this yet I did it anyway.
You're not gonna like every guy whose dick I put in my mouth
If dispatch calls for us tell them I'm having a significant emotional event in the restroom
That guy u hooked me up with kept calling me james while were doing it...
We can use the Mac n cheese as the potatoes in our breakfast burritos. Problem solved.
And I think she just drunkenly ordered an ipad. she said it was so pretty she couldn't keep it "locked up" because an ipad has to be let free.
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