I'm drunk at a fancy martini bar, wearing jeans, drinking cheap vodka that I brought in my purse. Got thrown out of court for using my cell phone. All in all calling Thursday a success.
Hookers taste better with whip cream
Maybe we ought to get some pennicillin too
Fair enough
I had sex on an exercise ball. The inevitable has occurred.
We lost Kevin again. Probably kidnapped by fattie 2 or butter-face 2 from last night. We need names and any information you can give us. Last scene with his shoe laces converted into a belt.
You had us pull over so you could pee, you proceeded to pee in some random persons front yard while yelling "im not ashamed"
Lmao. We just snorted some mystery powder uriah found packged up in my car, that i know has been in there almost a year... Its adventure time.
I don't see what kind of idea someone could get from an envelope covered in jesus stickers and a note from a person and their dog. I'd say crazy person alert before flirting.
The ideal thing to do next party is to tape my boobs down so they don't knock over the pong cups while playing defense. They came back to hurt us this time
I'll check it out in the morning. Tonight has been reserved for getting baked and covering myself in kittens because THAT IS AN OPTION.
Getting stoned and sitting front row in a legal class.. Not my best idea
OH MY GOD IT'S LIKE SHOOTING FISH IN A BARREL, EXCEPT INSTEAD OF FISH THEY ARE FIGHTER PILOTS
So if her brother fucks my brother, can I just tell her that anal sex is in her genes?
No, I'm just drunk and was excited cause a hot stranger bought me tacos.
I know I'm going to throw up tonight it's just a matter of when and where
How do I explain to work that I woke up in my underwear on a trampoline and that I'm not coming in?
Randomize
