My bottle opener just broke off in the cork
They don't teach how to cope w these situations in boy scouts
Dude. I just woke up without a shirt or bra on. Apparently I fell asleep with a quesadilla in my mouth. I can feel my liver hating me.
We're at that point in our relationship where sweatpants sex has become acceptable...
I just want him to slap me with his dick and call it love
and honestly how many chances will you get to hook up with a one armed guy?
be proud. or at least amused. an 18 yr old and a 25 yr old at least makes my average hookup age this week the same as my age.
I don't want to tell anyone! People who sleep with senators either end up in porn or guantanamo
Seriously, don't even. "Hi, have I seen you half naked covered in bright red body paint on the internet?" is NOT acceptable water-cooler chit-chat.
Aw.
Virginity is like the pottery barn-you break it, you bought it.
Thanks....I've always wanted my vagina compared to an overpriced coffee table
Have you ever realized how cool bread is? Like so many things taste good on it. Like its crazy to think that peanut butter and turkey can both taste good on the same thing.
He slapped my ass and his clap-on light turned on.
If I could go one week without being called a maneater or a spanish trolip that would be great.
who says I'm not relevant to the kids today? Just had snapchat sex, blows the roof off aim cyber sex
Yay I only have ONE giant mystery bruise from yesterday
I’m not spending 14 dollars on a margarita unless it’s rimmed with cocaine... actually do you have a blender?
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