I dont abuse you, i just hit you while we have sex
turns out a healthy dose of cleavage is the equivalent of a swig of felix felicis
You told her the u were going to wrap your dick around her neck and start her like a lawn mower. thats why she left.
Oh my god it's like Minesweeper. I can tell there's sex in three of the four rooms, but which one is the safe one?
to whom it may concern. if i am dead in colleens bed it is not her fault i slept in my scarf. my dads middle name is ronald.
So fucking hammered. Is this all spelled right? I'm holding it up to my eye. I am on a boulder. I feel like an owl
You were doing bacon vodka shots and chasing them with barbecue sauce. You're officially fucking disgusting. I love you.
I'm sorry about all of the innappropriate shoe throwing
My previously white toilet seat is now hot pink. I'm not sure why or how but I know it's your fault.
I drank so much that my feet don't feel like my feet
Also I'd apologize for texting you flipping my shit about the science of hair growth while I was shrooming last night but we know each other better than that
Nana saw my nipple rings & made me watch Joel Osteen all morning
When she's hammered the amount of alliteration that comes out of her mouth is amazing.
Did you wake up next to Karina?
So that's her name
You're having marijuana delivered to you. You're buying drugs and you aren't even leaving the house. I'm sure he'll be surprised if you're NOT wearing a bathrobe.
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