Im at strip club and am horny
I'm watching harry potter...good thing I already know I'm gay
Sexting assembly today. Fuck yes
then she said "on the count of three I think we should apologize to eachother"
Surefire way to sober up: discover that your car is being towed at 2 am.
On my way home from Vegas. Just realized my pants are inside out
Wife passed out. Doing shots with the hot bartender... Don't tell me I don't know how to celebrate a 1yr anniversary
He spent the entire date challenging me to chugging contests.
His parents know me as "the white shoed screamer"
I ran into a hotel and told the doorman he was doing a great job. That was before you cried on my jacket.
He just made my one night stand pancakes for breakfast. And I thought living with my ex was going to be weird.
She's astronaut crazy. She will wear Depends and drive 12 hrs non-stop if you swipe right.
Challenge accepted
Dude you where on that lil kids bike at 2 am ridin down the turning lane wearing only socks and a helmet singing born to be wild, no you weren't that fucked up
well I ran around the park drunk with a plastic baby and fell, all while screaming "I WILL PROTECT YOU CARLOS", yeah there's video
He's the first boyfriend I wouldn't cheat on. This is a really big deal for me
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