a mothers knocking is a guaranteed boner softener
dude i was like still drunk, taking pictures of her while she was naked and asleep and she woke up
haha what'd she say
i don't know man, something about us dating. but i never talked to her sober so i said i was making breakfast and snuck out of her house. close calls man WTF
Just downloaded the entire Justin Bieber album sober.. I think you know how I'm doing.
I'm trying to decide if I want to bring home my 'beer champion' trophy or my chem books.
I'm afraid to text her because most of the time she just replies with "cockblock."
I am currently exfoliating my skin with the toilet. We've never been so close.
Get dressed, I have 50$ and you need a new beer pong table since we threw yours off the 8th floor last night.
making an indian outfit so we can be pochohantas and john smith and fuck in the canoe on the night float
THE MIME IS MIMING TO BUST A MOVE KARAOKE. ALL MIME-RELATED EVENTS DESERVE CAPS LOCK
Woah there. I lasted a semester and a fourth of college not having sex. trust me when i say keeping my virginity was an obstacle course of olympic proportions.
The virgin olympics. I would win the gold. For America.
I cnant read. Cheetos goen. Help. Grt Cheetos.
I just want to eat and sleep til I'm dead. I should've been born a cat.
LIKE ALL I WANT TO CURE MY HANGOVER IS PORKROLL AND LIKE 85% OF THIS COUNTRY DOESN'T KNOW WHAT IT IS
Quit bitching. I brought you a muffin.
Tonight was a total waste of a shaved vagina
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