at a bonfire and someone threw a plastic cup in the fire. everyone immediately stopped what they were doing to yell collectively at him about what he was doing to the environment, then went back to drinking
only in oregon
I bought a goldfish, named it after my ex-girlfriend, and let it die. It's really the little things in life.
Fuck positive energy. I choose drinking instead,
just bought 2000 rhinestones and a heart shaped stencil at Micheals...I think the cashier knows i'm Vajazzling
Pretty sure I just heard the turkey yell "don't put me in there" as it was going in the oven. way too high for this holiday.
It was my penance. God came down to me in the form of an angel and said, "you must atone for your sins, by puking in your mouth at church right before communion"
hungover waitressing a bar association event. im being judged by actual judges.
it wasnt even considered partying. it was like "ok, who can get the most shitfaced and not pass out"
i mean, not my actual scene but if someone says "PARTY" ill figure it out
It's 3 in the morning and there is a bird chirping it's head off outside. GOD DAMNIT THIS IS NOT A TIME TO SING OF YOUR CHEERFUL BIRD MERRIMENT YOU STUPID BIRD CUNT!
The only reason I have clothes in my overnight bag is to cover up my sex toys.
I don't particularly remember setting a firecracker off in my hand. No more tequila.
Why am I a human magnet for the worst dicks of the world?
I just shook glitter of my birth control packet so I’d say it’s safe to say it was a good weekend
I mean his penis was perfect in pictures but its even more perfect inside me
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