Proposition. Sex. No words, no talking about it later. I just want you tonight.
My mom is such a hoarder. I found a deer candelabrum last night, it had antlers has candle holders. It was like a redneck menorah.
Some mysterious chinese delivery man dropped off 2 free egg rolls. Clutch
im getting coffee to go get coffee.
Im throwing up in my trash can so I can go throw up in the toilet. We're basically on the same level.
Dude are you alive? We drank shit that made a german bartender blow chunks.
Called the cops on a high school party then went in after all the kids ran away and took the rest of the beer. What are you doing tonight?
I said geronimo as I came I'm not sure if he appreciated the doctor who reference or was just confused
He has great taste in girls. I feel closer to my Eskimo sisters than my real sister...
You should feel special! You're also the only person I've ever punched during sex
well apparently i sat in the bathroom staring in the toliet at my vomit. it was blue. how was your night?
If I get back to the house before you, I'm setting up the swing. If you get there before me, it's chains and cuffs.
I woke up with pitch black feet and crushed doritos around my mouth. That's how I determined how my night went
Had a dick customer and the words "eat my ass" slipped out. He proceeded to lick his lips and say present it. I think it's time I quit.
hey im sorry i made fun of the color of your sheets, but like it was all i could focus on during sex because they were just THAT UGLY
I have only been here for a week and might contributed to a dumpster fire on accident.
Randomize
