I can't open my eyes
Lol why not?
Because I have fat ankles and I'm drunk
it went kinda like vodka, childhood memories, screaming/cursing, fist fight, tears, broken shit, passing out. in that order. tis the season.
considering i was high when my dad made me pee in the cup i might fail this one
How the hell can the Olympic committee frown so much on weed and yet put on a show you would have to be high to actually enjoy?
We decided that the paper cups disintegrating was god's way of telling us we had had enough
it is entirely possible that the police will be knocking on the door in 25 minutes
we tried to steal a tractor last night. you should have come out.
Apparently it's ok to apply for building permits drunk. I feel like there definitely is a law preventing that.
Also the McRib is back. Lets get high, dress like cowboys, and eat some McRibs.
you walked onto the street in the middle of the 10K in your thong. it was a whole new kind of expirience.
I came home to him frying bacon to put in his beer. He said bacon beer lights, taste the awesomer rockies
His crazy is a thing to be cherished
I know you just got dumped by your gf but believe there is still good in the world. I just smoked a joint and took a fucking unbelievable poop. Give me a call tomorrow.
Dude, you need to come and get her. She's sitting on the bathroom floor making hearts with her menstrual blood. And remind me never to let her do jello shots again
Hey this is your roommate. You know the one that let you have sex with her while you called out your exs name and cried?
I have no recollection of that. You must have the wrong number. P.s. your thongs still on the ceiling fan.
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