Good. You are like the clit whisperer.
bro...we were banging on her floor and her dog walked in and started licking my balls
u think ur still drunk from last night? i just put the eggs in the freezer and the remote in the sink. I don't wanna fucking hear it.
yea i really dont care about the sex, i just want him to eat my vag. He has to be good at because of his tremors.
It's annoying. I only date people who are 6 foot 3, drug dealers, or 2 years older than me.
Ugh. This is the type of hangover that all other hangovers want to grow up to be.
I got really upset at the McDonald's worker. They should serve nuggets 24/7. Apparently 5am is breakfast for some people.
You. Dating a sex offender cop. Life writes itself sometimes.
I decided staying home, watching porn and masterbating was a much better choice than the gym. And I was right.
Have you picked out a bathroom stall in which to fuck? Since you've got all this free time before her plane lands...
I told him he could fuck me in his Notre Dame jersey if they won and he never texted back. What is this world coming to
Just got a motivational speech from the tacobell drive thru guy at 2am
Thank you. I woke up with a beard hair in my mouth. Super classy.
But I did discover that he's totally okay with going down on me while I eat taco bell so that's a plus, right?
How do you say, "I love you, but i prefer sex with someone else." in a good way? Ponder that over a jack and coke and get back to me.
Randomize
