brb k???!! plz don't leave i want 2 tlk bout r rltnshp
i asked him to tell me something nice and he said "your vagina is really tight."
dude i woke up to her making a statue of my morning wood for her sculpture class. HOW THE FUCK do you think i feel about her?
i screwed him while his gf was puking in the shower. 2011 is looking up already
In hindsight, the torn ligament in my knee is probably the fault of the ginbucket and jager bombs starting at 3pm. I guess I'll stop blaming it on you.
Wise words from the guy who drunkenly chipped his teeth on the sidewalk
Crosswalk actually
get back quick. that 17 year old who peed on your car wants to do shots.
Would it be sharing too much to tell you that my nipples hurt so much that I couldn't comfortably go down the stairs?
I'm dealing with this like an adult, cupcakes and beer.
How high are you?
I feel like breakfast can just fly into my mouth
How hard do you think it would be to make a drinking game out of a Slip-N-Slide? Asking for a friend.
I don't WANT a sex disease! Especially one assigned to me by my supervisor..
I've spent so much time on tinder lately I just tried to left swipe an instagram photo of my neighbor
Its a shame I cant put 'bomb ass head game' on my resume.
Like I just wanted some midlife crisis fun, not drama as big as his dick.
Randomize
