So I was blaaazed. & while he was in me all I kept thinking was how bad I'd rather be watching The Office.
That's a really weird place to spoon. Especially if there are more accessible places to spoon. Like a bathtub.
The best part of listening to lady gaga while high is that any word your brain puts in is right.
he actually said the words "do you want to pet the lizard?" with a straight face as he unzipped his pants
Hi Jessica this is Jessica and I am texting you and were taking lime shots and it's fantastic and I broke your elbow and I love you xo
yea last night was a repeat of newyears...exept this time it ivolved a fish costume, throw up, a hole in the roof, and cops...lots of cops
I feel like, for the first time today, we had a healthy yolo.
Just had a heart to heart with my John Belushi poster.
You kept saying you we're gonna puke and wanted to steal my pants
That does not explain the remnants of a small fire in my bathtub.
When I told him he could take naked pics of me, did I really need to specify that he could not email them to my brother's friends for bragging rights?
After we drank 3, we built a raft out of the empties and installed the fourth submerged In the water to keep it cool. Keg boats are now a thing
Yeah, I got home from work at like 9:30, and he was passed out on the couch wearing only a tee shirt and The Jurassic Park theme on repeat.
My neighbor is burning all of her ex's things in a metal drum outside the window. Guess who's going to make a new friend?
You can accomplish quite a bit with a can do attitude and a well placed ice cube.
Just filed for child support I hope he gets the paperwork on Father's Day
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