Your vagina is a self cleaning oven.
Do you ever close your eyes when your having sex with your girlfriend and pretend she didn't get fat after high school?
there was 4 little kids screaming in high pitched voices at the top of their lungs at the sox game and their mom just leaned over to me and said 'if thats not birth control i dont know what is'
think im gonna go get a six pack before class and sit in the back of the room...
she was like a sexier Rosie O'Donnel
The night ended with a lot of tears and everyone singing along to Willenium
i wanted to tell my neighbors to shut up it was 4am, but listening to her rag on him for his minute man routine was actually entertaining
For once I'm glad there wasn't morning sex. Yes, that sore from the night before.
She introduced herself as 'Ann the sober one.' Took me to a coat check and a lost and found. Then offered coffee and breakfast sandwiches. Turns out she's been paying her half of the electric bill running post-party operations.
Just gave a gay guy pointers on how to make anal not hurt. Reevaluation of life choices: in progress.
Sorry I forced you to take an adderall at 1am and then proceeded to dance to Lose Yourself outside of Qdoba.
The only thing keeping me calm right now is pretending to chop off everyone's heads when using the paper cutter
I unknowingly motorboated my boyfriend's ex-gf last night. Yay me!
Broken leg sex is fun because I just get to lay there
I just learned that the grill marks on a Burger King burger patty are actually previously burnt on there with a radioactive spray-on liquid and McDonald's french fries are actually 5% potato.
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