honey bunches of taint.
i just saw an ambulance and a fire truck pull away from the dorms. it appears somebody actually IS feeling shittier than me today.
I didn't know it was possible to throw up mid-sneeze.
my three year anniversary of no dick sucking is coming up. you can throw me a party with a penis cake.
They both invited me to family dinner Sunday. Secretly dating two sisters just got real.
Chicken strips. I got my nose broken because of Chicken strips.
I fcuked ip.
Is this your way of telling me that you got drunk in your office before meeting with your dissertation advisor again? Or that you finally banged that freshman fraternity pledge?
He's high as balls tripping balls and doing a reenactment of the scene where Buzz jumps off the balcony and can't fly to his soundtrack of Toy Story.
Then you jumped in the pool because your were convinced the scratches on your neck from the cat were gills and you could breathe underwater.
When i'm home next we need to get baked and go to waffle house. I want to see if the waitress can still guess my intoxication level and what i'm about to order before i even make it to the table.
People are talking politics and I have had 9 mimosas
My mom just said we can't get married in nude body suits to look like earthworms. She's ruining my life.
Fuck you, dude, I'm not sharing my weed anymore if you're going for the Panthers.
Like I said, all hypothetical...unless, of course, you'd be into that. My heart may skip a beat.
If he isn’t into CosPlay he will be after tonight. That naughty nurse outfit heals broken hearts
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