so then you didnt wanna fuck tonight right?
oops, you werent supposed to get that until you left.
So, I'm pretty sure I just jacked off and my gf 17 m/o son caught me. IDK how long he was standing in the crib, but he definately saw the grand finale.
It's sad that I have started checking out the ring finger before the rack...I'm getting old
I asked her if she wanted to make this a permanent exclusive thing instead of a fuck buddy thing, and she just looked at me like I'm an idiot.
That's because you are an idiot.
he described going down on me as being like 'entering a jungle of deliciousness and fur
Just had a flashback of you announcing "your nipples aren't that big for the size of your boobs, I've seen them"
my tonsil wound opened up during the kegstand but i stopped it with a popsicle
Im in Ft Meyers right now looking right at an alligator. I have had a couple of beers and people are telling me not to feed him but Im gonna do it anyway.
I need to stop treating my body like that of a Vegas hooker on vacation in Ibiza
Your CAR. Is in a LAKE. I'd say "a big mess" is a pretty conservative description of the situation.
When she introduced her friend to me I shook his hand and told him not to leave his ugly vest at my apartment in the morning. He took it off and bought me a shot.
I'm sorry I put my balls through your watch. On another note your roommate had them on his shoulder too sry
I just want to be like "i dont know you but ive seen your penis & i like it"
Made out with sailor moon tonight. Childhood dreams do come true.
He had a small dick and screamed "I will kill you if you don't get hard" to it in German...awkward time to have to explain I speak German too...
This is why you need to stop sleeping with freshmen.
Randomize
